No “Bro Code” in Job Hunting

Yesterday was like many others – I got up, walked the dog, had breakfast and started going through my email. Mixed between MediaPost articles and Monster Job Alert was a message from a Charlotte marketing firm responding to my application for a Public Relations AE position.  Unfortunately they determined that I wasn’t qualified for the opening, which surprised me given that they wanted someone with a minimum of five years experience in marketing and a familiarity with social media. That’s when it hit me – Finding employment is like trying to get a date.

Rules of being a "Bro"

So what is The Bro Code and what does it have to do with all this? The Bro Code is an invented set of rules and regulations created by fictional character, and perpetual lothario, Barney Stinson of CBS’s How I Met Your Mother. The “Code” is intended to help “Bros” know how to behave with other “Bros” when it comes to women. For example, article 87 – “A Bro shall at all times say ‘Yes’” – meaning that if 1 “Bro” is trying to pick up a woman, the other “Bro” must always support whatever the first “Bro” says, even at the risk of incurring shame or public embarrassment.  Or article 29 – “A Bro will in a timely manner alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight.” This one is self-explanatory. (They can’t all be winners, but you get the idea.)*

While these rules of comportment might help one “Bro” in his quest to woo a lady, there are no real rules for job hunting. And as someone who’s been searching for nearly a year and a half, rules would help. It does seem, though, that the similarities between the “rules” of getting a date are quite similar to those of finding employment.

Dating and job hunting seem to follow a similar path:

1. Research
2. Preparation
3. First Impressions
4. Follow-Up
5. Consummation

1) Research
When trying to find someone to date you first need to determine where you want to look. At work? At a club? Through a friend? Or perhaps through a hobby/social group? You need to figure out first where you’re going because that will help you to determine the type of potential mate you’ll meet. Meeting at work is convenient, but can be treacherous. Club people might only be interested in having fun. Friends provide initial recon and recommendations. Organized groups mean that you’ll meet someone with similar interests. Finding open positions is much like this. The tools you use will determine the results – LinkedIn is a great professional resource due to its networking capability, but not all jobs get posted there and there is no reason for people to help a job seeker just because you know their uncle/cousin/mother/old boss/hairdresser. Knowing people is still a HUGE way of getting a foot in the door. People know what you’re capable of and the personal touch never hurts. Another great way to do research is by joining groups or organizations within the industry you want to work. It’s all the networking of LinkedIn with the personal touch of a friend or colleague. In these settings you can share ideas, converse freely with multiple potential “partners” and see what kind of connections you can make.

2) Preparation
So you’ve done your research using Google, Indeed, LinkedIn, etc and you’ve found where the jobs are that you’re interested in. Maybe you got to meet a few people along the way – Bonus – and now you need to put yourself out there. You wouldn’t head out to a date without knowing where you were going, what type of food your date likes, or having a plan for the evening, right? The same goes for job hunting. Since you know what companies you’re interested in, look them up. What projects are they working on? Who are the members of their team and where do they come from? Are they having a good Quarter? Year? What openings do they have and where do you think you fit? You want to know the type of company you’re applying for before beginning the application process. Maybe your professional ideology conflicts with theirs. Maybe you don’t want to move from one coast to the other. Maybe what you’ve heard and read doesn’t match up to what you find for yourself. It’s good to have this information, so that if/when you get in front of them, you appear ready for anything.

3) First Impressions
How you present yourself the first time will make a world of difference in every meeting in every moment of your life. While dating is EEO, potential partners, like employers, have their own rules for determining what makes for an attractive “mate”.  In most cases, Human Resource professionals are the first people that you’ll interact with at a company, even if it’s merely through your application, cover letter or resume. They look at it and determine if you’re a good fit for their needs. Are the correct keywords present? Does the resume have an appealing design? What exactly is a “Graphical Archeologist Digital Disco Ninja” and what can they do for the company? So before you even meet face-to-face, you may be deemed unworthy. Even for something as simple as unemployment.

Unemployment can be a deal breaker in a social setting, but usually a reason can be given before being written off by a potential mate. Maybe you’re taking time off to write a novel. You might have been going to school full-time and couldn’t work at the same time. You might even have been taking care of a sick relative. In today’s world, though, the fact that you may not have a job could prevent you from getting one.

If you do make it through HR and in front of a prospective employer, you run the risk of being judged on your appearance and weight. Is it any surprise that attractive people are more likely to be hired? Nope. No more so than it’s surprising that attractive people find attractive mates. But what is attractive? From a sociological perspective, when seeking a mate, it’s based upon what one person thinks is attractive. But when I look for work, it should be about my qualifications. Not if I weigh 220lbs or 188lbs. Unless my job requires that I hunt for the survival of my “pack”, my qualifications should make me attractive. Much like dating, it’s these first impressions that can make or break you. Maybe, like me, you’re not the most attractive guy out there, but if you’re prepared and have a great attitude/personality, you just might get in there.

4) Follow Up
Now you’ve met someone. You go out, you have a great time. When do you call? Some would say three days. Some say two or five days. Some don’t care. You want to let them know how much fun you had and your desire to do it again. Pretty simple, but the overtones are dreadful and exasperating. You don’t want to appear needy, desperate or overly excited. So how do you do it? You don’t send a text or an e-mail, you call, right? As a job seeker it’s recommended that you send a hand-written letter. Formal, sure, but it sends a message. I think, though, that the manner of the follow up should be in-line with the industry you’re trying to join. If the person you’ve gone out with is allergic to flowers, don’t send roses. If they hate American Idol, don’t send them a YouTube clip of your favorite performance. If the job you want is in the tech/social media arena, a tweet or email might work. If it’s a law firm or governmental position, yeah – go with the letter.

But when do you do it? Right after the interview? Wait a week? Two? Following up is important no matter what. It shows continued interest, seeks to keep who you are fresh in the mind of the employer, and is generally the polite thing to do.

5) Consummation
This works one of two ways. Either you get the job or you don’t. In dating terms, it either works out or it doesn’t. Sometimes you make it through and sometimes you don’t. In these economic times we can’t assume that there are “plenty of fish in the sea” because it’s a lie. Plenty of job seekers, too few employers. So you do your best, present yourself in the best way you can and hope for the best.

I am fortunate that I haven’t had to worry about getting a date in over six years, and come next October, never again. I wasn’t very good at getting dates. I was always clueless of what to do about the girls I did like, and almost certainly never noticed when girls liked me. I’ve seen me and frankly, personality seems to be my strongest feature. So it was with great relief when I found someone who dug me for my personality, but also the way I look in my jeans. It meant I didn’t have to search anymore. I didn’t have to build up the courage to talk with girls or go to bars (something I never did anyway). I didn’t have to research, prepare or pretend. I could just be me. But in my hunt for work, even after all this time, I still feel like I’m new at this. The worst part isn’t just not finding a job, but what to do if I didn’t get the job, but find another position equally interesting. Is it safe to go back after the first attempt? Do you re-return? In the dating world it’s not very polite to go after the friend of the person you just tried to date. Doesn’t seem to me that it looks very good when you try to do it while on the job hunt, but it’s something I’ve done and will continue to do. There are just some companies where any foothold will do.

What do you think? Sound about right? Feel free to comment below.

*See Season 3, Episode 17 “The Goat” for the first appearance of The Bro Code.

Video (Clip) of the Week
“Desperation Day” – How I Met Your Mother, Monday at 8p on CBS

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